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Aug 13 2012

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When you fear the child you love

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Autism

by Lost and Tired

August 13, 2012

I realize that this is a very sensitive and deeply personal thing,  but I thought it might help of we can openly dialog about this. 

Let me start off by saying that #Autism alone is not a reason to fear anyone. 

Having said that, there may be subsequent behavior that may be scary,  for us as parents.  This fear can be very real and for very good or legitimate reasons.  When our kids are younger, we can better manage the outbursts that can occur,  due to various reasons.

However, as our kids become older,  larger and stronger,  things can very easily become very dangerous. 

Sometimes our kids can even become physically violent or aggressive towards their own family.  This is something that we have personally dealt with on too many occasions and to say it’s difficult would be a gross understatement.

I think admitting that you are afraid of your own child,  regardless of their age,  is extremely difficult. 

I thought that it might help those of us out there who fear the child we so desperately love,  to know that we are not alone.  :-)

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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14 comments
  Livefyre
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kat13
kat13

Hi, we had the same problem where the aggression towards family members was very unpredictable and hard to control. However, we were lucky enough and were given a book "Overcoming Autism" (yellow cover) that is written by psychologist, but in a very simple language that is easy to follow. There is a chapter specifically on that. And it is going to take time to correct it, but it was sure worth it. It took us almost a year to correct that particular aggression and it feels so much better that is no longer an issue. And don't forget to talk to them, even though it doesn't appear that they listen, they do remember it! 

 

In addition, if you have some social skill classes available around in your area, I would strongly recommend it. My daughter hated them as she was referencing to them as 'stupid', but in just a half a year I can see improvements on a simple as eye contact when she talks with others. She is only 10, and we stopped that class as there was a conflict between her and the other student, but I know she got something out of it. 

 

 

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HeartsRestored
HeartsRestored

I'm following your developing journey with my prayers and interest! I can't imagine how hard it is to walk this road - must cut your heart in two!@

lostandtired
lostandtired

 @HeartsRestored Thank you very much :-)

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PurpleLogicGlitch
PurpleLogicGlitch

I can probably qualify for a job as a SWAT team negotiator with all the de-escalations I do here !! LOL  Picking the battles becomes much more important as they become bigger and more aggressive. Learning the earliest signs of his building frustration level has helped me greatly, but I am still afraid when he gets angry. I wish I had known about that HOOK UP exercise to relieve the tension when he was younger. At 19 I no longer can tell him what or how to do anything, he thinks he is grown LOL

lostandtired
lostandtired

@PurpleLogicGlitch I'm not super sure how that works but I believe it has something to do with connecting both sides of the brain. I could be very wrong about that though. I just know own it helps. :-)

PurpleLogicGlitch
PurpleLogicGlitch

 Yes, I have heard that the ASPIE brain needs more left and right brain hemisphere connections.@lostandtired  @PurpleLogicGlitch 

lostandtired
lostandtired

 @PurpleLogicGlitch I knew it was something like that :-)

dudgeoh
dudgeoh

Not just scared of their actions, but the potential for it all to spiral out of control with your own reaction(s) to the situation...

lostandtired
lostandtired

@dudgeoh wow.. That was really honest. Your absolutely right. I have been there myself. That's a really, really good point. Thank you so much for sharing. :-)

dudgeoh
dudgeoh

 @lostandtired I took the opportunity this post presented to mention an unmentionable, that is that even the best of us have a breaking point that can be pushed by a melting down kid.

 

Ours delights in knocking over furniture, throwing whatever is at hand and getting physical. Whenever we go through one of those episodes, I am often mindful of all the other parents I know, online and offline, who must surely have to deal with the same crap.

lostandtired
lostandtired

 @dudgeoh I love your honesty. I just hand to deal with that at my house a few minutes ago. I'm so tired of this but our options are so limited do to his health issues. 

 

At least we aren't alone... :-)

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