Okay, for starters, this is going to be a very sensitive topic. I realize that and so I want to handle this in a way that is both non-offensive but gets my point across at the same time. So please keep an open mind.
Having said that, here is the question I want to ask you.
What do I say to Gavin when he talks about having kids when he gets older?
Please keep in mind that I’m not making a blanket statement here at all. I’m only referring to my particular situation and asking you for advice. I’m in no way shape or form, making a blanket statement about Autistic persons in general.
The reason I’m asking this is because for awhile now, Gavin has been talking about having children. I realize that he is only a almost teenager (I refuse to say tween) but he’s pretty dead set on this happening and brings it up quite often.
Now this is where you will either understand and empathize or not get it and hate me.
Every time he says something about having his own kids, I subconsciously shutter at the thought. I know how that makes me sound but as much as I truly love Gavin, having kids is not in his future.
He has so many problems on his own…I just can’t imagine a world were that would be a good idea. I will never give up on Gavin, but he will likely never live independently with out help. That’s just the reality of the situation.
I feel horrible even thinking that, but it’s one of those ugly truths that are going to be there whether I want them to be or not.
I never want to discourage any of my children’s dreams but I just don’t know what to do with this one. Honestly, most people that know Gavin, first hand, feel the same way and for the same reasons.
With that said, while the chances are slim to none, it’s not out of the realm of possibility for things in Gavin’s life to drastically change for the better. He’s a fighter and if anyone will defy the odds, it would be Gavin. I just don’t want to perpetuate a dream that I really don’t see happening.
Look, I’m totally aware this makes me look like an asshole, but my goal is to be as honest as possible, regardless of how it makes me look.
This subject is something that has me a bit worried because he appears to really be looking forward to this. He’s asking me to make plans for the future in regards to his kids and I don’t know what to say. Up until now, I have simply supported his dreams and encouraged him to pursue them. Sometimes I redirect when I don’t know what else to say.
Have any of your kids had similar dreams or ambitions? How have you handled it?
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