I just want to say how proud of you I am. Today’s discussion about #Autism and Sexuality was a success. I met some new members and so. These people shared some deeply personal things.
I’m so proud of the honesty I heard today.
Thank you all… .
Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/06/02/im-so-proud-of-you-guys/
May 28 2012
Every once in awhile I like to do a confessions post. This is where I kick the honesty up a notch and purge some of the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart.
Life has been more challenging than usual lately. Gavin’s having major health issues as well as behavioral problems. The health issues are exhausting and difficult to know what to do with. The behavioral problems are honestly weighing very heavy on me because of the nature of the behaviors.
Gavin is very hypersexualand so we are having problems with inappropriate touching. We have to keep Gavin under constant supervision, especially when he’s around his brothers. This is no easy task. It means that we have to have the boys downstairs if they want go play together. They can never be allowed to be play upstairs alone.
Of course, the boys don’t like this and resist at every turn. I don’t like it either because when Gavin is upstairs, the boys are forced to stay downstairs because they will gravitate to Gavin’s room if we don’t.
It wasn’t so bad before but now that Gavin can no longer attend school he’s home all the time. This means that we have to be on our toes, all day everyday. Honestly, that makes me angry and even resentful. I mean, we already have enough on our plate. Now we have to protect Elliott and Emmett from their oldest brother. I’m angry that Gavin is doing this and resentful of the additional strain this puts on the Lost and Tired family.
I feel betrayed because Gavin is telling his brothers to keep the physical contact, regardless of what it was, a secret from us so that he doesn’t get in trouble. This means that he is aware of what he is doing and is trying to conceal his actions.
At times like this, I feel differently about him. For those that don’t know, I adopted Gavin after spending the better part of 10 years and $100,000 fighting to protect him from his abusive father and grandmother. Lizze and I lost everything along the way, including her health and my career. We did it because of how much we love Gavin and I would do it all again.
I know it isn’t rational or even fair but I feel betrayed by his behavioral choices. Something that needs to be very clear is that these sre behavioral choices. Gavin is not your typical aspie. He is plagued with other, serious mental health issues as well. Much of his behavior, including meltdowns are willful acts.
I know some of you compare him to your own child and immediately disagree with me but I assure you that this has been proven over and over again by highly trained professionals that have had extended contact with Gavin. I know it’s difficult to digest but it’s the truth. Imagine having to live this and not just read about it.
With all of this stuffgoing on, I’m physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I’m making mistakes left and right and dropping the ball all over the place. I’m trying to do everything I can to keep us moving forward or at least treading water. However, I’m failing miserably.
To make things even worse, my back is out and the pain has returned. When your in constant pain, it affects everything.
My goal is to make it through tomorrow when we see Dr. Pattie. We will discuss how to address these problem behaviors and formulate a plan that not only ensures the safety of everyone in the house but also helps Gavin to control these behaviors.
I love all my kids and I have and will continue to do anything for them. This absolutely includes Gavin. Right now I’m frustrated, angry and resentful of his behaviors and wanted to put those feelings out in the open. It’s important for me to own my feelings and not let my feelings own me.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
Please join our Autism Help Forum
Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store
Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive any typos as auto correct and I don’t get along very well sometimes.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/05/28/confessions-of-a-special-needs-father/
Mar 23 2012
I have a confession to make. I’m completely and utterly overwhelmed. In the past three days we have several new challenges, Gavin and Elliott are both having seizures and Emmett has developed pneumonia. Elliott will be seen today for possible pneumonia as well.
This has all happened in the past two or three days alone.
If I had all the time in the world and all I had to do was physically care for my family, it would be overwhelming. It’s literally like having three full time jobs without the benefit of a paycheck.
However, I have other responsibilities to worry about as well aside from the physical care. I have to keep the house from falling apart, fight the school system, deal with bill collectors, navigate all the various medical issues and make sure everyone gets the care they need. In my spare time, I do my best to provide for my family and keep up this blog.
It’s like being tied to a dozen different horses and someone fires a gun. The horses get spooked and subsequently pull me in a dozen different directions at the same time.
As more and more piles on my plate, it’s becoming much harder to maintain anything. I can’t keep up with the house. I can’t keep up with the yard or get the things needed to make the yard safer for the boys. This shouldn’t have even been an issue because we were supposed to move. The theft of our van and being forced into a car payment has had a tremendous impact on us and has stopped the move to a new house and better neighborhood, dead in its tracks.
I just can’t win for trying. I’m tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry and losing hope that things will one day get better for my family. I know I sound like a whiner but whatever. Right now that’s the least of my worries.
I try really hard to remain positive but with sleepless nights and really sick special needs kids, it’s getting harder to remain positive.
I’m done venting for now. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
Please join our Community Autism Support Forum
Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive any typos as auto-correct and I don’t see eye to eye.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/03/23/confessions-of-a-special-needs-father-overwhelmed-lost-and-tired/
Aug 02 2011
Even at Emmett’s young age I try to incorporate every day activities into a chance to teach. Emmett has a natural love for animals, so I try to foster that love and use that as a means of learning what responsibility is. Right now I’m using Toothless to help Emmett feel a sense of responsibility for something.
Emmett absolutely loves Toothless and has been fascinated by him for a while now. I’m fostering his natural curiosity and love for animals by allowing him to help take care of Toothless. Emmett enjoys breaking up the green veggies and some of the fruits that we include in Toothless’s diet. However, his favorite part is feeding him the crickets and super worms.
In this video you’ll see Emmett’s excitement about feeding Toothless. You’ll also see Emmett’s love for his new socks, followed by a brief medication break (he stops to take his reflux meds).
He’s so cute and excited about Toothless (our Bearded Dragon) and I’m glad that I have this opportunity to teach him these things. Something that Emmett truly loves to do is actually go with me to the store to buy the crickets we feed to Toothless.. We kinda of have our little routine. He has to look at ALL the fish and then the other animals. The pet store is sorta a like going to the zoo for Emmett.
I also have Emmett ask for the crickets so he is actually helping to facilitate the process. It also helps to have the back and forth conversation with the person at the store. I’m hoping it will help to foster a bit more independence and improve his ability to communicate, especially in real life, outside of the home kinda ways. He does a really good job. He still needs help as his speech and language are are very rough but he is improving.
In all honesty, I was going to re-home Toothless because I just can’t keep up with everything and I was the only one taking care of him. However, with Emmett’s new found love and eagerness to help care for Toothless I have changed my mind, at least for now.
I really enjoy this time with Emmett and I know he enjoys it as well. You can’t really put a price on that. Emmett is learning how to take care of something and I think that’s a pretty valuable lesson, if you ask me. Who knows, maybe one day Emmett will do something with animals. He has the natural love and curiosity now. Hopefully this will continue to be a positive experience for both of us and especially for Emmett.
Please take every opportunity to teach your kids. You are their most valuable teacher. Everyday lessons are easy to incorporate and can have such a profound impact on our kids. Sometimes the biggest waves start out as little ripples. I have found these things to be very beneficial to both myself and my kids.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/08/02/everyday-lessons-responsibility-8022011/
Jul 17 2011
My kids, Emmett and Gavin in particular have ever growing needs. Doctors visits and therapies, just to name a few. Much of the time I’m able to meet those needs and others times I’m not. Typically, I try to take it a week at a time as that’s the best I can do right now. Currently, I have arrived at a place where I just can’t keep up with the demand. Gavin’s recent hospital stays and the van breaking down have disrupted our rather delicate financial balance. At times like these I have to find other ways to make it another week.
The boys have a week filled with therapies and at least one trip to Akron Children’s Hospital. So the agenda for today is to figure out how to make it another week until my next check. Here is what I have decided to do. I have an XBOX 360 with Kinect bundle and about 8 games. Later on today, after Lizze wakes up, I’m going to take it to Gamestop and trade or actually more like sell it to them.
In all honesty, this doesn’t excite me to do this, as I LOVE my XBOX. However, I LOVE my kids more and so I’m glad that I had it to sell. It won’t fetch anywhere close to what it’s actually worth (as Gamestop is a rip off) but it will put gas in the van so we can get the kids to their appointments this week.
I share this because I want people to understand what types of sacrifices come into play when your a special needs family. I know many of you out there have had to make similar sacrifices. To most people, maybe giving up an XBOX doesn’t seem like a huge deal but when it’s really the only luxury you have left, it hurts a little more.
On the plus side, we live to fight another week and that is well worth the cost
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/07/17/autism-sacrifice-and-meeting-the-ever-growing-needs/
Jul 11 2011
I thought I would update everyone as to how I’m doing. Last Wednesday I went to see my family doctor for a cholesterol follow up. The good news was that I managed to lower my LDL (bad cholesterol) by almost 40 pts. The bad news is that my HDL (good cholesterol) is WAY to low so I have to intensify my workouts a bit more. I also lost 10 lbs in 30 days. So that was kind of a shocker and it felt really good to hear that.
Now for the honesty part. I had the uncomfortable conversation with my doctor about where I was mentally and emotionally. I felt that I was struggling and needed to get some help. I already talk to someone but that wasn’t enough. I ask about being put back on anti-depressants and she agreed that was a good idea. So I was put back on Paxil 20mg/day. I’ll be completely honest and tell you that the idea of being back on meds doesn’t sit well with me as I would prefer to deal with things on my own. That said, it was the right thing to do. I already feel better simply because I took the steps necessary to help myself. The meds take about 8 weeks to reach the desired effects but I feel pretty good right now.
I realize there is a lot of stigma attached to medications but I will say this. Medications are great if you need them and not unnecessary if you don’t. I very much needed the help and I’m glad I have the where-with-all to pursue the help I needed to get better. When you live a life similar to mine, depression is often times an unavoidable side effect of everything you have going on.
I thought it was important that I shared this because I want to encourage anyone out there that may need help to get it. There is NOTHING wrong with needing help, nothing at all. Take pride in the fact that you have the courage to do what is necessary to get better and start moving forward again. I’m SO glad I got the help I need to get back on my feet.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/07/11/confessions-of-a-special-needs-father-7112011/
Jul 04 2011
This post was not easy to write but I hope it benefits someone out there that may be in a similar boat and needs help. Hopefully, my honesty will help you to realize that you are not alone
I have been going through some things lately. I have, for a while now, been…..preoccupied with my own mortality. It has become more and more difficult to manage these feelings…….actually, more like fears, anymore. I feel like my life is over or I’m dying and it’s a HORRIBLE feeling. The rational side of me knows that my life has really only just begun. However, there is another part of me that chooses to embrace these feelings of despair. I guess embrace is the wrong choice of words…more like overcome.
I had a very honest conversation with my wife last night. I know I have been driving her crazy with some of these “worries” but I wanted her to be honest and tell me what she thought. She thinks I have slipped back into a depression. If I’m to be completely honest, I would have to agree. Not that it really matters or makes anything better but here is what I think happened and why.
Back in the very early parts of the this year you may remember an experience I shared with all of you. The experience I’m referring to is the bare-handed man. Seeing a person treated in such a terrible way is not a pleasant experience. However, as awful as that was, that isn’t what turned my world upside down. On that day I came face to face with my absolute worst fear. I think many of us share this same fear and that is, what will happen to my kids after I’m gone? I saw just how horribly disgusting people could be and it just “broke” me, for lack of a better word. I was worried about what would happen to my children if something should happen to me prior to this experience but now it’s so very different. Now it’s real because I have actually seen what can happen and it terrifies me. It’s one thing to think about something that “could” happen and it’s another to actually witness something like this happen to a person with special needs, just like your own children.. Suddenly it’s no longer some abstract fear but instead becomes a MUCH more tangible and distressing possibility. Until I saw that, I always thought the world was inherently good but not anymore. In my mind, if this could happen to the bare-handed man then it could surely happen to my kids as well. The idea of this happening to my children, my babies, is slowly destroying me from the inside out. I need to get help.
That, I believe was the perverbial straw that broke the camels back. I hadn’t really thought about the full impact this experience had on me but to me it makes a lot of sense. This is the catalyst that started my slide into a depression again. I became obsessed with my health and began worrying about everything that could take me away from my family. I started having bad dreams and became very anxious. What’s really strange is that I realize exactly what’s causeing me to feel this way but it doesn’t make a difference…..it doesn’t make it feel any less real.
After talking to Lizze last night, I decided that it was best to maybe get back on an anti-depressant that also helps with anxiety. I see my family doctor on Wednesday or Thursday of this week to follow up on my cholesterol check from last week. I’m going to have one of those very honest conversations with her and ask to be put back in something. In truth, I hate the idea of being on meds again because I worked so hard to get back off of them last year but I clearly can’t go on like this and my family needs me. Now, I’m not sitting in a corner and drooling or anything like that. I’m just VERY preoccupied with certain things and when I no longer worry about one thing, I switch to something else. This is not productive or healthy, so I’m choosing to take control back before it gets any worse. I’m not ashamed to admit any of this or to go back on the meds. I simply have more on my plate then I can handle. I was hoping that by walking and exercising again, I could manage this on my own and maybe in time I can. However, right now I can’t and so I need to do what’s best, not only for myself but also for my family.
If anyone out there is having similar feelings of distress and just can’t seem to move on or thoughts of suicide, PLEASE don’t be affraid to seek help. Talk to someone you trust and talk to your doctor. Depression is NOT something you can simply fix with positive thinking and you should NEVER feel ashamed. Depression is like a Chinese finger trap, the harder you fight the tighter it’s grip. Please get help if you need it.
Depression symptoms can include:
If any of this hits home with you PLEASE get help and talk to someone.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/07/04/confessions-of-a-special-needs-father-7042011/
Switch to our mobile site