May 13 2012
I wanted to take a minute and wish all the Mother’s on my life, especially my amazing wife, a very Happy Mother’s Day.
It’s safe to say that none of us would be here without you… 
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/05/13/happy-mothers-day-2012/
Dec 29 2011
Okay, for starters, this is going to be a very sensitive topic. I realize that and so I want to handle this in a way that is both non-offensive but gets my point across at the same time. So please keep an open mind.
Having said that, here is the question I want to ask you.
What do I say to Gavin when he talks about having kids when he gets older?
Please keep in mind that I’m not making a blanket statement here at all. I’m only referring to my particular situation and asking you for advice. I’m in no way shape or form, making a blanket statement about Autistic persons in general.
The reason I’m asking this is because for awhile now, Gavin has been talking about having children. I realize that he is only a almost teenager (I refuse to say tween) but he’s pretty dead set on this happening and brings it up quite often.
Now this is where you will either understand and empathize or not get it and hate me.
Every time he says something about having his own kids, I subconsciously shutter at the thought. I know how that makes me sound but as much as I truly love Gavin, having kids is not in his future.
He has so many problems on his own…I just can’t imagine a world were that would be a good idea. I will never give up on Gavin, but he will likely never live independently with out help. That’s just the reality of the situation.
I feel horrible even thinking that, but it’s one of those ugly truths that are going to be there whether I want them to be or not.
I never want to discourage any of my children’s dreams but I just don’t know what to do with this one. Honestly, most people that know Gavin, first hand, feel the same way and for the same reasons.
With that said, while the chances are slim to none, it’s not out of the realm of possibility for things in Gavin’s life to drastically change for the better. He’s a fighter and if anyone will defy the odds, it would be Gavin. I just don’t want to perpetuate a dream that I really don’t see happening.
Look, I’m totally aware this makes me look like an asshole, but my goal is to be as honest as possible, regardless of how it makes me look.
This subject is something that has me a bit worried because he appears to really be looking forward to this. He’s asking me to make plans for the future in regards to his kids and I don’t know what to say. Up until now, I have simply supported his dreams and encouraged him to pursue them. Sometimes I redirect when I don’t know what else to say.
Have any of your kids had similar dreams or ambitions? How have you handled it?
Posted from WordPress for Android
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/12/29/what-do-i-say/
Dec 11 2011
Today is one of those days where all the screaming, whining and crying is going to push me over the edge. I know that most of these behaviors are outside of the boys control but goddammit, if it’s not just relentless today.
Emmett will take something from Elliott. This will send Elliott into a screaming and crying fit, because Emmett’s secret weapon to get what he wants, is hitting. Once Elliott starts crying, it takes forever for him to regain his composure. Simply talking to him will set him off again, so it’s best to let it play out.
This will typically spark all the drama. As soon as I correct Emmett for hitting Elliott, he just screams this blood curdling scream. This will go on for quite some time and redirection doesn’t seem to work. It’s like they are competing to see who can push Daddy over the edge the fastest.
However, despite both their attempts, the award for who can push Daddy over the edge the fastest goes to Gavin.
Last night Gavin came downstairs with a few other pairs of socks that he has destroyed. Now I have to go out to the store today and get him new socks as he literally doesn’t have any left. However, this time, Gavin is going to be paying for them. I refuse to buy him any more socks so long as he continues to destroy them, inside of a week. Maybe that’s wrong of me but at this point, I just don’t care.
Gavin is also tippy toe dancing on my very last nerve with all the manipulation.
If we give Gavin an inch, he’ll try and take a foot. If we give Gavin a foot, he’ll try and take a yard. You get the point. He does this with everything.
I wanted to give Gavin a chance to play a game on Emmett’s Android4Autism device. So what I do is allow Gavin to help Emmett when he needs help. This gives Gavin a chance to play but at the same time it’s pretty limiting. Gavin, doesn’t do well when playing video games, unless they are in short bursts. That’s why allowing him to help, works so well, at least in theory.
However, what ended up happening was Gavin literally following Emmett around the house, asking him if he needed help playing a game. Emmett wasn’t even playing the game at that point. Gavin was trying to get Emmett to play the game, for the sole purpose of him being able to help.
As soon as I put a stop to that and explained to Gavin why I did so, I was graced with another meltdown.
I’m so sick and tired of the manipulation. Over the years, it’s gotten to the point where we have to question Gavin’s motives for everything. More often than not, he has an angle. I hate having to question everything he does, especially in light of all he is physically going through.
I’m frustrated, overwhelmed and honestly, a bit angry.
By writing this down I can purge and at the same time, provide insight into the inner workings of the Lost and Tired family. Also, I would hope this doesn’t need to be said but just to cover all my bases, here it goes. Just because I’m angry or frustrated with Gavin or the other boys, doesn’t mean I don’t love them. In fact, I share these things on here as a way of venting so that I can be a better parent to them.
Venting allows me to purge and then walk away. I never want my frustrations to affect my ability to be a good father to my boys. I love them more than anything in the world. The problem is that I’m only human and I’m tasked with a job that often requires super human abilities, of which I have none. Hopefully that makes sense.
I haven’t been at this point in quite some time but as things become more and more difficult, I will need to purge like this more frequently. That’s kinda how I got this blog started in the first place.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/12/11/im-only-human-2/
Dec 06 2011
I have spoken a few times about our struggles to locate all of Gavin socks that have mysteriously disappeared.
The thought crossed our minds that maybe we couldn’t find them because they were gone.….and by gone I mean digested. Youay think that sounds far fetched but the reality is quite to the contrary.
You see, Gavin struggles with PICA. PICA is where someone eats none food items, like, paper, blankets, paper clips, plastic fish, toilet paper, body fluids, the stuff between your toes and the smudge inside the drain of the bathroom sink.
It sounds disgusting, I know. However, those are all confirmed items, that have been on the menu for Gavin at some point.
Knowing that he has at one point in time, ingested each of these things, makes the idea of him actually eating his socks….well….plausible.
So, having said that, I of course had to ask him about this. I made sure he knew that I wasn’t mad, but I needed him to be honest. So I asked him, “Gavin, have you eaten anything that you should not have eaten? “.
I knew he was hiding something based solely on his reaction to my question.
So, back to the title of this post. You know your going to have a bad night when you ask your son if he’s “eating his socks” and he responds, “no daddy, I don’t think I have, but I have been peeling the skin off my lips and eating that. “
…………………sigh
I don’t know whether to feel better about that or not, ya know?
I should write a book…….
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/12/06/you-know-its-gonna-be-a-bad-night-when/
Nov 21 2011
I thought I would fill you in on the outcome of parent teacher conferences this morning.
I met with Gavin’s teachers for about 30 minutes. They expressed just how well he was doing at school. I honestly wasn’t surprised to hear any of this because I know how well he is doing
We also talked about a few concerns with Gavin’s regression. We discussed how his handwriting is getting worse as he continues to experience muscular and neurological regression.
However, despite all he is working against, he is doing so incredibly well at school. I’m very, very proud of him
After meeting with Gavin’s teachers, I went down the steps and around the corner to visit Elliott’s teachers. Truth be told, I was worried about Elliot way more than Gavin.
I knew Gavin was doing well and I also knew that Elliott was struggling. So I was very concerned with how Elliott was doing.
I met with Elliott’s teachers for 30 minutes as well. I was very nervous but very pleasantly surprised at hearing how well he is doing. He is excelling at everything and the behavioral concerns have improved dramatically as well. I can’t tell you how awesome that was to hear.
We still have some things to work on but he’s doing really, really good. Hopefully, we can address these issues we do have with OT.
Once again, I have to say how grateful we are for the boys teachers. They are second to none and had such a positive impact on our kids. We are very lucky.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/11/21/conferences-11212011/
Nov 06 2011
If you listen carefully, you can hear the ever growing sound of me…..cracking. I’m so far beyond overwhelmed, I don’t have another word to describe it. Gavin is driving me up a wall. Right now he is not making many good choices. He’s struggling with everything and pushing me over the edge as he does it.
In all fairness to Gavin, this isn’t his fault. However, he’s not listening and he has lost all ability to use common sense. Gavin has never really been able to exercise common sense. I don’t know it he’s struggling more in this area or if I’m just so tired that it seems worse. All I know is that Gavin’s behavior is changing and becoming more and more infantile. Part of me wishing he was just being defiant or purposefully disruptive. I can already see the confusion after saying that. Let me explain.
If Gavin were just being defiant or purposefully disruptive, than I feel I would be more justified in my feelings of frustration and honestly, even resentment. However, as it stands, Gavin has little, if any control of these behaviors. Once upon a time, I believe he did have control over these behaviors, but not anymore. Currently, Gavin is regressing and so his abilities are following suite.
So, when I feel angry or frustrated I also feel guilty. I feel guilty because none of this is Gavin’s fault and yet, I hold him responsible…at least to some degree.
If Gavin was in control, then I wouldn’t feel so guilty because he would be making the willful decision to be this way and therefore be subject to the burden of responsibility for those decisions.
Since that isn’t the case here, at least anymore, this struggle will continue. Gavin will continue to drive me crazy and I’ll continue to feel guilty for being angry, frustrated and resentful.
Sigh
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/11/06/crack-crack-do-you-hear-that/
Oct 12 2011
I posted this morning about my two youngest reducing to flush toilet paper rolls down the toilet this morning. This was honestly, the last thing I needed to be dealing with today.
Based of the advice of my readers, I decided to get some Drano. However,when reviewing my options, none of them specified where or not they work on those pesky things like, toilet paper rolls.
I figured, it’s just thin cardboard and should break down on its own. However, this should help to speed up the process. 
“
Thanks for the advice everyone.
- Lost and Tired
Posted by WordPress for Android via Samsungs Epic Touch 4G (provided to me at no charge by Sprint) without the use of proper editing tools and disadvantages of a bastardized version of auto-correct. So please forgive the spelling
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Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/10/12/decisions-decisions/
Rob Gorski is a husband and father of 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum. Gorski began his writing career in June of 2010 with his multiple award winning blog Lost and Tired: Confessions of an Autism Dad. Recently cited as the 3rd most influential Autism Blogger on the internet by Dr. Oz's Sharecare website, where he is an expert on Autism.
His mission is to create dialogue, spread Autism Awareness, educate the public on how technology can benefit a special needs family and do so in ways that society can relate to and understand.
Gorski advocates for special needs families and those on the Autism Spectrum, both young and old.
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