Jan 24 2013
Tonight for dinner I made healthy pancakes. The pancakes were whole grain and contained oatmeal, flax, olive oil, free range chicken eggs and milk.
The boys each ate 2 or 3 and I’m pretty happy with that, especially for Elliott.
I’m glad I was able to sneak in some healthy ingredients that the boys wouldn’t have eaten otherwise. 
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2013/01/24/healthy-pancakes-for-dinner/
Aug 09 2012
The honeymoon phase with Gavin is officially over. We had our first full fledged meltdown since his return from the psych unit. He’s done pretty well until this point and I give him all the credit in the world for that. However, while his physical behavior has been better his continued disrespect for Lizze has continued to get worse.
After meeting with Dr. Patti last night, we have all agreed that we must crack down on the disrespect. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior.
It was also decided that we would maintain the oatmeal thing but since he says it doesn’t bother him anymore, we need to add something in addition to it. For example, we can have him write “I will be respectful to my mother, she loves me and deserves better” like 25 times. Something to that affect.
He’s jumped right back into the very self-injurious behavior once again. He has shown no aggression towards anyone else, so that’s a plus.
Having said that, we are going to have to follow through on our threat to call the police, if this continues. Absolutely no part of me wants to open that can of worms.
Right now, the only reason we allowed this today was because he did this minutes before Lizze was getting picked up for her MRI. She has missed it at least twice now due to something Gavin related and she needs to get this done. The obvious downside is that I have to deal with this on my own.
The funny thing or not so funny thing, depending on how you look at it, is he kept stopping his meltdown so that he could check his heart rate. As soon as he was done, he would start all over again.
If that isn’t control, I don’t know what is.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/08/09/the-honeymoon-phase-is-officially-over/
Jul 18 2012
Dicipline in the Lost and Tired household is extremely important. Many kids on the autism spectrum benefit from strict routine, predictably, structure, boundaries and dicipline.
Gavin is our oldest and most complex child. There are so many pieces to him that it’s extremely difficult to know what to do or how to dicipline him.
The problem is that nothing works more than a few times.
We have tried so many different things and while many of them worked, once or twice, they failed the test of time. The only thing that we have ever had success with is oatmeal. Basically, we swap out oatmeal for whatever meal he’s supposed to have.
This was suggested by MST. And at home behavioral modification professional.
We aren’t withholding food from him. We are simply eliminating his abity to choose what he has at that meal. This is the only thing to ever really affect him.
However, I believe that oatmeal is losing its effectiveness, at least in its current form.
As of right now, if Gavin is given oatmeal for a substitution on his dinner menu, he still gets everything else. For example, if we had pizza, root beer and chips for dinner, Gavin would have oatmeal, root beer and chips instead.
We took this approach because it used to be enough and we were never withholding food from him.
However, anymore, Gavin makes it a point to dance around, telling us how much it doesn’t bother him to have to establish oatmeal because he still gets everything else. When I heard this tonight, you don’t know how badly I wanted to just beat my head into the wall.
It’s like he’s flaunting it in our face that ot doesn’t bother him anymore. I used look at it as a positive thing, like he’s learning to accept responsibility for his actions but I think that was wishful thinking.
Now we are having to reexamine our approach in order to tweak it or even scrap it all together.
The problem is that Gavin simple doesn’t care when more traditional dicipline approaches are used. We have to be creative without being cruel and that can be a very fine line. However, whether it’s oatmeal, or some other consequence, it’s nothing compared to what will happen to him when he’s older and presenting with the same behaviors. I don’t want him to go to jail or get arrested.
That’s why we try so hard to teach him right from wrong and that actions have consequences.
At times, in fact, most of the time, it feels like a losing battle because Gavin just doesn’t get it. Perhaps, he just doesn’t care. I want to believe that if we just continue to work with him that one day it will just click.
While I remain cautiously optimistic, the reality is that if we haven’t made any progress by now, we may never make any progress. Gavin is hardwired very differently than most other people, and while that’s not always a bad thing, in this case, I fear it is.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
Please join our Autism Help Forum
Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store
This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/07/18/autism-and-dicipline-the-moving-target/
Jul 18 2012
Things went down hill fairly quickly this morning. Gavin decided that it would be a good idea if he told his little anxiety prone brothers about a dream he had. In this dream, Gavin was attacked by a robot with spinning blades instead of hands.
Apparently, at some point I this dream, the Gavin‘s hands were chopped off his arms by the spinning blades of the robot.
This was told to the boys in graphic detail.
This really freaked Elliott and Emmett out and they were pretty stressed out about it.
Elliott approached me and told me that Gavin had shared a dream with him again. When I called Gavin down to tell Lizze and I about the dream, he refused. This was my first inclination that things were not going to go well.
See, the thing is, Gavin has been told about this countless times. Dr. Pattie has spoken to him, as have Lizze and myself. He knows he’s not supposed to share his dreams with his brothers. If he needs to talk about them, we are more than happy to listen. However, he is never to discuss them with his brothers because all it does is terrify them.
Gavin has a long history of doing things like this. These things lead to me being up all night, for nights on end, with his younger brothers who are afraid to go to sleep.
I don‘t know what Gavin gets out of doing this. It’s either that he doesn’t think or he likes to scared his little brothers.
Either way, Gavin freaked out upon being confronted about this. He ended up having oatmeal as a substitute for peanut butter and jelly for lunch. He will also be having oatmeal as a substitute for whatever main course we have tonight. One for each of his brothers.
His meltdown was pretty bad and it won’t matter what the consequences were. It’s the fact that he’s being held accountable that upsets him.
When you ask him why he’s upset, he says, “I don’t want to have oatmeal and I’m mad that I’m in trouble”. At no point is he upset about what he did to his brothers, he never is.
I don‘t know how you work with that. He never seems to care about his impact on others and honestly, that scares me. I take no pleasure in punishing him but he either never learns or simply doesn’t care. Either way, in real life, there are consequences for ones actions. If he is to ever be a productive member of society, he needs to learn this, and learn this sooner than later.
All we can do is hope that one day something will click and he will finally understand.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
Please join our Autism Help Forum
Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store
This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/07/18/in-real-life-there-are-consequences/
Jun 08 2012
The best way to get my kids to eat healthy is to lead by example. This is my dinner tonight.
1 Cup of frozen, mixed berries
1 Cup of fresh strawberries
1 Banana
1/2 Cup of low fat yogurt (plain)
1/2 Cup Kashi granola/oatmeal
1/4 Cup Raisins
I think this is pretty healthy. The boys see me eating Fruits and want to do the same. Leading by example is always the best way to teach your kids something important.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/06/08/leading-by-example/
Mar 29 2012
I love Gavin, I truly do. But I swear to God, if I have to keep repeating myself, I’m going to take a vow of silence. I mean, I might as well because all I’m doing anymore is repeating the somethings, over and over again.
We just experienced another Gavin meltdown tonight. This time it was because Gavin was housing around with Emmett and Emmett got hurt.
You may recall that we had to put the Gavin doesn’t touch anyone without permission or supervision. If you don’t remember, we have had problems with…um…boundaries. These issues resulted in having to institute a rule that Gavin is to make no physical contact with other people without first getting permission from that person. In the case of his brothers, the same applies only my wife or I need to supervise.
It’s just one of those unpleasant but necessary evils we have to deal with right now.
Tonight, Gavin was giving his brothers piggy back rides, which he knows he’s not supposed to be doing. The way he was doing it put the boys at risk of having their shoulders dislocated.
Emmett ended up falling and getting hurt, which is what brought this to our attention. When we sat Gavin down to talk to him about this, he was very, very uncooperative. I reminded him of the rule, which is a zero tolerance thing, and is in place with the support of the doctors and therapists.
He wouldn’t answer our questions and just began freaking out.
I cut the whole thing short and just gave him oatmeal for dinner. That further agitated him but only because he was being held accountable for his actions. I’ve already had a rather crappy day and I just don’t have the patience for this tonight. Otherwise I might have let this play out a bit longer and tried to get more information.
However, he was cooperating and I just don’t have the patience tonight.
I do have to give Gavin credit because the meltdown didn’t last very long and that is only because he chose to get himself under control. Good for him. I know that it’s not easy being him and if I have to find the positive tonight, it’s that Gavin made a great choice to not make things worse for himself.
Great job Gavin and please remember that tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate.
Goddamit, am I friggin’ exhausted.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
Please join our Community Autism Support Forum
Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive any typos as auto-correct and I don’t see eye to eye.
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2012/03/29/i-hate-repeating-myself/
Dec 17 2011
Disclaimer: I am by no means making a blanket statement about persons with Autism. Every child and adult with Autism is as unique as a snowflake. This is my personal observation, based on my personal experience. I’m not an expert and would never presume to understand your child better than you. I just noticed something today that may simply be unique to Gavin, but I thought I would share it anyway, in case someone out there could benefit.
Gavin has been making some less than good choices lately. I’m not sure if it’s the stress of the holidays or just one of those things. However, we are back to having at least one meltdown a day. That is a pretty big increase from not having any meltdowns for so long.
Last year and for as far back as I can remember, Gavin would have 5-6 meltdowns per day. They ranged from relatively minor to extremely violent and destructive, often resulting in self-injurious behavior. Gavin has been admitted to the hospital, many times, as a result of injuring himself during these meltdowns. Last year he was admitted about 5 times and in 2011 he was admitted only twice. These were almost always a result of him self-injuring.
Today was another one of those days, only it started first thing this morning.
Gavin was asking to play video games this morning. He typically isn’t aloud to play because it almost never goes well. They are far to stimulating for him and he simply can’t handle them. It’s not so much a punishment as it is protecting him the overstimulation. For those undoubtedly wondering, it doesn’t matter what kind of game he plays. Gavin +Video Games= Complete Disaster.
He became so relentless with Lizze this morning that I felt it warranted him having oatmeal for lunch.
Now, this is where I noticed something that I haven’t noticed before or at least in a very long time.
After I told Gavin that he would be having oatmeal for lunch, the meltdown was almost immediate. I say almost immediate because Gavin did something that I thought was very interesting. Prior to being told about the oatmeal for lunch, he was playing with a Lego ship that he had created. Upon being told about the oatmeal, he became very, very angry. However, before he completely melted down, he very carefully put his ship down on the couch. He did this to ensure that nothing happened to it while he threw his fit.
What I found very interesting was just how deliberate his actions were.
This gave me an idea. I decided that he should not be able to put his Lego ship down while he disrupts everyone else’s lives. So, I made him pick his Lego ship up and hold it with both hands. Typically, we require Gavin to sit on his hands and keep his legs crossed. We do this because his hands and feet are generally used as weapons and so requiring him to do this helps to keep everyone safe.
This time however, I decided to make him hold his ship instead of sit on his hands. This way there was a very real and very natural consequence for him throwing his fit. If he continues to throw his fit, he risks destroying his prized Lego ship. That seemed pretty fair to me. I mean, if we all had to endure his screaming and stomping, then it was only right that he experience the immediate and realtime consequences of his actions as well.
Those consequences revolved around his Lego ship taking damage as he pitched his fit.
I required him to hold his ship with both hands, that way his hands would be same, and if they weren’t than his ship would pay the price. You can see in this video how he calms down long enough to make the repairs to his ship as it suffers damage. I found this to very interesting.
It showed me that he was able to control himself when it came to disrupting or destroying something he values. However, that control disappears when his actions only affect those around him. To me, and I of course could be wrong, but this demonstrates an element of control and conscience choice when it comes to him preserving the things that he cares most about.
If this holds true going forward, it opens up some new avenues for behavior management. This will likely require continued outside of the box thinking on our part but we may no longer be out of options when it comes to managing Gavin’s meltdowns.
Thoughts?
Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2011/12/17/autism-and-meltdowns-an-interesting-discovery/
Rob Gorski is a husband and father of 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum. Gorski began his writing career in June of 2010 with his multiple award winning blog Lost and Tired: Confessions of an Autism Dad. Recently cited as the 3rd most influential Autism Blogger on the internet by Dr. Oz's Sharecare website, where he is an expert on Autism.
His mission is to create dialogue, spread Autism Awareness, educate the public on how technology can benefit a special needs family and do so in ways that society can relate to and understand.
Gorski advocates for special needs families and those on the Autism Spectrum, both young and old.
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