I have been pretty open and honest about my personal struggle with depression. Once again, I think it’s important to be honest about this because there is already such a stigma attached to things like depression.
Periodically, I like to post updates as to how my personal struggle is going. I want people to know that there is nothing to be ashamed of and I for one am not embarrassed by it.
Today is the 27th of February, 2012. I have been back on Paxil for about 8 months now. Not to long ago my dose was doubled to 40mg/day.
The increase in medication was a necessary evil as thing in my life were getting harder and harder to manage. I started feeling better after a few weeks. However, as of late, I have been starting to struggle again.
Recently, the Lost and Tired family van was stolen and subsequently totaled out.
This has put a great deal of pressure on me. Perhaps I put the pressure on myself, but regardless, the pressure is there. I had to scramble to find a replacement when we were not in a position to absorb the expense. Our move has been put on hold because we sank everything we had into a new car.
Shortly after that, I started noticing that I was beginning to worry more than I should and kinda get stuck in cyclical thinking. In other words, I get focused on some obscure thing and begin worrying about it until it becomes all consuming. It’s completely irrational but it directly impacts me.
I have even noticed that I’m developing little tics. I see the doctor in a week or so but I think I may need to add an additional medication on top of the Paxil. I don’t know if I can go higher than 40 mg/day.
All I know is that I need to do something before this gets any worse.
I have way to much to worry about and I’m referring to legitimate worries. I can’t afford to lose my center. I have 3 special needs boys that depend on me for a great deal. My wife is disabled and is very limited to what she can do most of the time.
That, in-and-of-itself, is enough pressure to push me over the edge. I need to get my family stabilized but I need to get myself stabilized first.
Does that make any sense?
Look, I really want people to know that depression is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s probably more of a fact of life when it comes to special needs parenting.
If you are struggling with depression or think you may be depressed, please, please talk to someone. Talk to your doctor if you need help. Asking for help tales courage and is not a weakness.
Please take care of yourselves.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive the typos. Auto-correct and I don’t get along very well.